Tired. Exhausted. Busy. Happy. The life of a working mother is no joke. Literally every minute, no wait second of my day is used up.   From the moment I wake up in the early hours tending to my children getting them dressed for the day to the moment I finally get to sit down and relax and finally check emails, write a blog, or {maybe} watch Netflix, every second in between is used, valued, and pushed to the maximum capacity.   When you are a working mom, you will always feel guilty kissing your little one and leaving them to head out to your job. You’re most likely running late, not a dressed up as you’d like to be, and have an extra large cup of coffee in your hand.   I don’t sacrifice a second extra away from my family so once I step foot at work I am moving a mile a minute to get everything done.  

                 Once I pull into work I park my car, grab my coffee to go, and the moment my foot hits the pavement I am darting around trying to get the millions of tasks accomplished.   When I am at work I never. stop. moving.  I am constantly multi-tasking trying to keep from the feeling of drowning in work.  The moments where I do get a break I am sitting at my desk, alone in the dark, listening to the endless wonk wonk wonk of my breastpump.  I don’t have time to hang with coworkers or have long chats about daily life, because every second I am doing something for work trying to get my ‘to-do’ list crossed off.   Then like a flash, I have to lock myself in a cold, dark room and start pumping then storing milk. The challenges of a breastfeeding, working mom are endless.  There is no “hanging out with other adults” during my day.  Its work, grade, teach, eat lunch alone while pumping, try to tune out the negatively and absorb the positivity-if you’re going to be away from your family it better be worth it.

            I used to go back in forth with the argument of what’s more difficult: the working mom or the stay at home mom.   I am lucky in my career since I am a teacher that I get to experience both sides of motherhood.   I am the August-May working mom who tries to get the laundry all washed, folded, and put away on a Sunday. The working mom who misses her kids terribly, loves her job at the same time, and still tries to get dinner on the table at a decent hour. The mom who is so dang tired from working all day, but then suddenly those little arm wrap around you and you get a second burst of energy.   It is so hard to be a working mom. How do people keep their house together???? I find it impossible as there are always dirty dishes or bottles in my sink. {Veteran working moms please share your secrets with me.} The positive note of being a working mom is every second and moment you have with your children it is cherished.   Its amazing! I try to do as many fun activities with my children as possible.  We never have “just another Saturday,” its always spent spoiling my little ones with activities because the mom guilt of being away from them during the week is unreal.

            Being a working mother I find it extremely hard to take care of myself.   I don’t want to spend any more time away from my children so getting my nails done, hair cut, going to the doctor, or even grabbing lunch with an old friend makes my heart sink.   I am sadly watching myself ‘go’ as I have no time for the gym, get my nails done, or even curl my hair.   At this point in my life, I am so busy {and exhausted} I am lucky if both legs get shaved in the shower.   Taking a day off of work to go to the doctor doesn’t happen-if I am taking a day off from my job it is to spend with my children.   Usually nap time is ‘rest time’ for moms-you count down the hours until the beloved nap time.   But for me on my cherished weekends, nap time for a working mom means running around like a manic. You have two hours {if you’re lucky} to get about 10 hours worth of children free errands in.

            The times I am on summer vacation I am the stay at home mom. The pressure of getting the laundry done goes out the window, I have all day Monday or maybe even Tuesday to fold and put those clothes away right? Making dinner is no longer a chore, it’s a time to be away from your children in a much needed adult break.  You can get more done with your day during nap time than the whole day.   Going on walks in the middle of the day is for entertainment rather than exercise. Trips to the grocery store and Target are much easier on a random Thursday afternoon than on a busy weekend.   But HOW do you keep your little ones entertained 24/7? That’s lots of activities, crafts, and imaginary dinosaurs to pretend to be.   Good luck putting on make up too, why get ready if you’re not leaving the house and going to get apple sauce chucked at you anyways? Then finally, the second your husband walks in the door from work you’re lucky if you can actually pee alone.   When you are a stay at home mother you never get a day off or a break.

            The working mom is harder, no the stay at home mom is harder…lets just face it they are BOTH hard! Motherhood is such a difficult and challenging journey. You no longer have just yourself to think about. Looking back at who I used to be in college and my early twenties, I had no one else to worry about but myself and I thought I was “tired” or “busy.”  Girlllll what were you thinking? As a mom, you maybe tired. exhausted. busy. but most of all you are HAPPY.  I wouldn’t change being a mom for anything-whether your working or staying at home we all share the same common goal to raise good people and we all have the same love for these little people.

Until Next Time…..

XOXO

Your Redlocks and Shamrocks Girl,

Lisa Doyle

***All of the photos for this blog post were taken at Symphony Park next to the Discovery Children’s Museum.   Get your Pogo Pass using code “REDLOCKS” for 60% off admission to this venture and several others around the Las Vegas area! For my original post of this pass, Read here

Four Friends You NEED As a Mom….

1. The lifelongers– These are friends who have seen you grow up and think “damn I can’t believe she is a mom now!”
2. The young kid-less friends– I like to call them “single” although they maybe in a committed relationship.   This is your friend who you were a few years ago, running free like a wild horse. You get them, but they sure as heck don’t get you.  
3. The “with you in the trenches” mom friends– These are ladies with kids the same age as your children. They are living your life on the reg, and they get the daily struggle.
4. The experienced mom friends- These gals you can call at anytime to get real-talk advice. These chicks are like pediatricians, child psychologists, and mommy therapists.

Since I have become a mother my friendship “squad,” as the young people call it, has drastically changed.   I can’t say it’s for the better or worse, but it has made a definite shift over the last couple years.   Its like moving from middle school to high school overnight, realizing you just don’t fit in with that certain “crowd” anymore.   You look at your old middle school aka pre-mommy friends with a blissful eye; missing them, those memories, laughs, and no cares in the world realizing its hard to go back-actually in your case impossible.   You look at your new high school aka post-mommy friends and realize you NEED them.   To complain to, to inspire you to become a better mother, to guide you and give you advice through this new journey where everyday you wake up and pretend you know what the heck you’re doing. This change in “squads” has been very emotional for me. I am SO happy to have made new friends and grown closer to certain friends, I don’t know what I would do without them.   But I also cry over those best friends who I feel are slipping through my fingers. The ones who I used to talk to on a daily basis drifted to me talking to once a week-then once a month- then who knows when…… Life gets so busy: kids, work, boyfriends, husbands, but I get sad at night when I check social media and that’s the only true way I know what’s going on in their life, that’s so depressing.

To my friends over the years who I have lost or may be losing:

            Please come back.   I miss you and I think of you everyday.   Our lives are not on the same path right now and I am hoping one day they will meet up again.   Just know that when you call and you hear a screaming child in the background of the phone, I AM LISTENING.   I hear you, I am there for you.   Although you are telling me an important story and I have to pause to scold my two year old I AM LISTENING.   If something happens in your life: good, bad, ugly.   I am here.   Stranded on the side of the road? No one else to help? I will wake my kids up from their nap and come rescue you.   I’ll be honest, I know it doesn’t seem like that because I give responses like, “Oh, I can’t meet up for lunch at 1:00, because my kids nap from 12-2…sorry.”   But I am here, I always will be.   My door is always open-although warning there is some scary shit on the other side.   Shit literally: blow outs, the smells yuck- moms get “used” to it.   And shit figuratively-screaming toddlers, dirty dishes, me with no bra on, no make up, and sweats on with God knows what bodily fluid on them.   But please come over, (bring coffee though lol) witness the craziness, be involved, and I will be involved in your life.   Friendship is a two way street.   I love the friends who I don’t talk to on a daily basis, you see each other and nothing skips a beat.   But sometimes that window of not talking grows further and further apart and then one day there is no phone call, meet up, or lunch date and I don’t want that day to come.

To my friends I have grown closer with or made:

            Freaking amen to you ladies!!! I don’t know how I could survive motherhood with out those late night texts, early calls, or playdates. Those phone calls where we talk about how much we LOVE our children.   The calls where you and I are seeking advice on what to do or sadly (and embarrassingly) the calls where we complain-your tired and on your wits end and you’re going nuts.   Thank you for listening and not judging!   This journey is so hard and knowing I have you experiencing the same challenges everyday makes me feel not alone.   Thank you for listening to me cry because I don’t know how to get my kid to nap. Thank you for sharing with me your horrific mom fails, because it makes me feel human. Thank you for listening to me tell some long winded story about how my newborn coo’d for the first time-only you know how exciting it because other people would think ‘big deal.’   Thank you for encouraging me and reminding me ‘its just a phase.’ Thank you for that the easy dinner idea btw. Thank you for knowing that at a split second our phone call can end-right in the middle of a conversation- because a child needs us. Thank you for being my support system: my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my cheerleader, my mentor, my idol, and most importantly my friend.

To both of these types of friends:

I NEED you in my life. To my fun kid-less friend, I need to hear you randomly getting your nails done-damn I’ll be jealous (yes its really like that Sex and the City episode where Miranda and Samantha have that hair appointment/screaming baby situation.)   I need you to tell me your wild night where you stayed out until 3am, lost a shoe, ate Del Taco, and met with a handsome hunk.   Actually text me-I’m up at 3am for completely different reasons.   I need you, we’ve been friends forever and I can’t lose you.   I know you look at me and think “dang she has changed” “she never has time for me” “I don’t want to interrupt her” or whatever else you’re thinking, I’m not in your head, but I hope you are missing our tight friendship as I am missing yours.   My new squad- thanks for being my new ride-or-dies.   We’re in this new prison gang where we have these people that rely on us and we will do anything to protect-can you tell I finally finished Orange is the New Black? My mom friends are really the most amazing women and they are supermoms, I don’t know how they do it all!

To all my types of friends: Thank you. I love you.

XOXO

Your Redlocks and Shamrocks girl,

Lisa Doyle

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