Four Friends You NEED As a Mom….

1. The lifelongers– These are friends who have seen you grow up and think “damn I can’t believe she is a mom now!”
2. The young kid-less friends– I like to call them “single” although they maybe in a committed relationship.   This is your friend who you were a few years ago, running free like a wild horse. You get them, but they sure as heck don’t get you.  
3. The “with you in the trenches” mom friends– These are ladies with kids the same age as your children. They are living your life on the reg, and they get the daily struggle.
4. The experienced mom friends- These gals you can call at anytime to get real-talk advice. These chicks are like pediatricians, child psychologists, and mommy therapists.

Since I have become a mother my friendship “squad,” as the young people call it, has drastically changed.   I can’t say it’s for the better or worse, but it has made a definite shift over the last couple years.   Its like moving from middle school to high school overnight, realizing you just don’t fit in with that certain “crowd” anymore.   You look at your old middle school aka pre-mommy friends with a blissful eye; missing them, those memories, laughs, and no cares in the world realizing its hard to go back-actually in your case impossible.   You look at your new high school aka post-mommy friends and realize you NEED them.   To complain to, to inspire you to become a better mother, to guide you and give you advice through this new journey where everyday you wake up and pretend you know what the heck you’re doing. This change in “squads” has been very emotional for me. I am SO happy to have made new friends and grown closer to certain friends, I don’t know what I would do without them.   But I also cry over those best friends who I feel are slipping through my fingers. The ones who I used to talk to on a daily basis drifted to me talking to once a week-then once a month- then who knows when…… Life gets so busy: kids, work, boyfriends, husbands, but I get sad at night when I check social media and that’s the only true way I know what’s going on in their life, that’s so depressing.

To my friends over the years who I have lost or may be losing:

            Please come back.   I miss you and I think of you everyday.   Our lives are not on the same path right now and I am hoping one day they will meet up again.   Just know that when you call and you hear a screaming child in the background of the phone, I AM LISTENING.   I hear you, I am there for you.   Although you are telling me an important story and I have to pause to scold my two year old I AM LISTENING.   If something happens in your life: good, bad, ugly.   I am here.   Stranded on the side of the road? No one else to help? I will wake my kids up from their nap and come rescue you.   I’ll be honest, I know it doesn’t seem like that because I give responses like, “Oh, I can’t meet up for lunch at 1:00, because my kids nap from 12-2…sorry.”   But I am here, I always will be.   My door is always open-although warning there is some scary shit on the other side.   Shit literally: blow outs, the smells yuck- moms get “used” to it.   And shit figuratively-screaming toddlers, dirty dishes, me with no bra on, no make up, and sweats on with God knows what bodily fluid on them.   But please come over, (bring coffee though lol) witness the craziness, be involved, and I will be involved in your life.   Friendship is a two way street.   I love the friends who I don’t talk to on a daily basis, you see each other and nothing skips a beat.   But sometimes that window of not talking grows further and further apart and then one day there is no phone call, meet up, or lunch date and I don’t want that day to come.

To my friends I have grown closer with or made:

            Freaking amen to you ladies!!! I don’t know how I could survive motherhood with out those late night texts, early calls, or playdates. Those phone calls where we talk about how much we LOVE our children.   The calls where you and I are seeking advice on what to do or sadly (and embarrassingly) the calls where we complain-your tired and on your wits end and you’re going nuts.   Thank you for listening and not judging!   This journey is so hard and knowing I have you experiencing the same challenges everyday makes me feel not alone.   Thank you for listening to me cry because I don’t know how to get my kid to nap. Thank you for sharing with me your horrific mom fails, because it makes me feel human. Thank you for listening to me tell some long winded story about how my newborn coo’d for the first time-only you know how exciting it because other people would think ‘big deal.’   Thank you for encouraging me and reminding me ‘its just a phase.’ Thank you for that the easy dinner idea btw. Thank you for knowing that at a split second our phone call can end-right in the middle of a conversation- because a child needs us. Thank you for being my support system: my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my cheerleader, my mentor, my idol, and most importantly my friend.

To both of these types of friends:

I NEED you in my life. To my fun kid-less friend, I need to hear you randomly getting your nails done-damn I’ll be jealous (yes its really like that Sex and the City episode where Miranda and Samantha have that hair appointment/screaming baby situation.)   I need you to tell me your wild night where you stayed out until 3am, lost a shoe, ate Del Taco, and met with a handsome hunk.   Actually text me-I’m up at 3am for completely different reasons.   I need you, we’ve been friends forever and I can’t lose you.   I know you look at me and think “dang she has changed” “she never has time for me” “I don’t want to interrupt her” or whatever else you’re thinking, I’m not in your head, but I hope you are missing our tight friendship as I am missing yours.   My new squad- thanks for being my new ride-or-dies.   We’re in this new prison gang where we have these people that rely on us and we will do anything to protect-can you tell I finally finished Orange is the New Black? My mom friends are really the most amazing women and they are supermoms, I don’t know how they do it all!

To all my types of friends: Thank you. I love you.

XOXO

Your Redlocks and Shamrocks girl,

Lisa Doyle

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